I’m going to be honest and tell you that I hate posts titled like this one. Why can’t people just let a shitty year be shitty? Why do we need to find the silver lining in everything? And seriously, who needs more lessons?!! Just let me bask in my misery, please!

With that in mind, this isn’t your typical 2022 reflection post. I’m not going to recount every unplanned amazing thing I accomplished this year. I’m not gonna point out the opportunities staying at home this year has given me. What this post is, is 7 strategies that helped me get through COVID recovery. So, here’s to being in this fight together and sharing strategies to better cope along the way. Oh yes, and shared with some epic Legally Blonde GIFs, because we can all use a little Elle Woods about now.

1. I can’t control everything. It f*cking sucks, but it’s the truth.

There’s this Chinese saying 人算不如天算 that loosely translates to “man proposes, but God disposes.” I’m the type of person that likes having things planned. I like knowing what is going to happen and at what time. I like being on a schedule and checking things off my very detailed “to-do” list (I know I sound like a crazy person, but I swear I’m just a wedding planner). Well, obviously, the way I usually am made this year almost impossible to get through. I had a plan, and God threw that plan out the window and into another universe.

I’m still actively working on this lesson every day. There’s always that inner voice that occasionally screams “BUT WHY CAN’T I?!” Where I’ve gotten to now is basically the Serenity Prayer, which reads “God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It took some time, but I learned that my peace and happiness were counting on me to get wise and accept the things I can’t change. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck to get wise, but it also freed me from continuous disappointment. High recommended.

2. Protect and Strengthen Your Energy.

More than ever, I noticed the effects my surroundings have on me. No matter if it’s the news, Instagram, or toxic people, I learned the importance of protecting my mind and energy so I can function the way I want to function - not miserable and anxious all the time. Some things that have really helped me this year:

I keep my phone outside of the bedroom - This strategy has been extremely helpful for me. I got an alarm clock and started leaving my phone on the kitchen counter to charge overnight. This means that I am more efficient at getting out of bed in the morning (not sucked into scrolling through Instagram first thing in the morning when my eyes are barely open). It also means I now get a moment of “mental silence” before bed, without being bombarded with any information. I get to be as relaxed as possible before calling it a day. This has given me a piece of myself back that I didn’t even realize I lost; it’s legit wonderful.
I don’t watch the news on TV - To stay informed, I now read my news online. I’ve found it be to a lot less repetitive, a lot more objective (and with more factual details), and a lot less vulgar. I don’t get any less information by consuming my news digitally, but I am living with less paralyzing fear. Huge plus.
I unfollowed many “luxury fashion” accounts and started following more “self-care” accounts on Instagram. While I will always be obsessed with fashion, I realized that I don’t need to constantly see the Chanel bag I wish I had. I can just look at the Chanel website for that! What I do need on a daily basis is a dose or two of positivity. Accounts that post inspirational quotes, like bossbabe.inc, something so simple, have been so key for my sanity this year!
I learned to say “no” - Think about all the hours wasted on doing things you didn’t really want to do, and doing it with people you don’t even like. I know I certainly have, countless times. Granted, life isn’t perfect, and there are definitely situations you can’t just say “no” to (like working and making a living). The point is, you don’t have to say “yes” all the time in your life. I learned to prioritize my own needs and not feel guilty about it.
I started listening to Brene Brown’s “Unlocking Us” Podcast - Oh, Brene Brown! She’s probably my favorite human being in the world right now. That woman is truly God-sent. If you haven’t discovered Brene yet, she has spent decades studying the topics of courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Her podcast is focused on conversations that unlock the deeply human part of who we are, so that we can live, love, parent, and lead with more courage and heart. In my darkest moments this year, Brene saved me with her insights, humanity, and humor. I just can’t recommend her enough!
I spend time with people that are focused on self-care and self-love - One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.” I hope we’ve successfully established that you are what you surround yourself with, including people. We all barely have time for ourselves these days; make sure you are sharing your remaining free time with people that elevate you. I now stay away from gossip-focused conversations and toxic people. Instead, I am intentional about having real conversations where we share our struggles without shame, celebrate our wins without jealousy, and encourage each other to be brave again tomorrow.
Practicing thankfulness - As corny as it sounds, being thankful was the only way I got through this year. Thankful I still had a paying job. Thankful that me and everyone I love are healthy. Thankful that we have the resources to efficiently work from home. Thankful for having someone (my husband and my dog) to quarantine with. Especially in this dumpster fire of a year, I now have even more perspective on how lucky I am in so many ways (even when it doesn’t feel like it in the moment).

3. Good Friends are Everything. Be Good To Them.

I will be the first to admit that I don’t have many friends (it can be hard for me to open up to people), but the ones I have are the best. I didn’t grow up with a lot of family around, so my friends kinda became my de-facto family through the years. They would often be the ones that I spent the holidays and special occasions with. Even so, one of my biggest lessons this year is that, just like romantic relationships, friendships are a two-way street. They take nurturing and attention, no matter how long you’ve been friends.

Not all of us are great at expressing ourselves or asking for help. That’s why being an attentive and present friend is more important than ever in this current environment. Reach out, ask how they are doing, and really listen for their answer. Take the time. Offer help, even when help isn’t asked. “Are you OK? No seriously, are you really OK? How are you doing?” So many of my friends did this for me this year, and I really don’t know where I would be without their support and love. Be good to the ones that are good to you; there’s nothing you can’t get through, together.

4. Suffering is Not Finite. Other’s Suffering Does Not Diminish or Make Mine Any Less Important.

One of the most insightful things I learned from Brene Brown’s “Unlocking Us” Podcast this year is the concept of comparative suffering. Comparative suffering is when people try to make sense of their own pain by comparing it to other people’s pain. The benefit of this mechanism is that it can help us establish perspective. The danger, however, is that it can minimize the legitimacy of our feelings.

Have you ever said to yourself “why am I crying over this when there are starving children in Africa?” I know I have, all the freaking time. I did this a lot, especially at the beginning of the year, and not in a balanced “perspective” way. I started being hard on myself for my negative emotions during the quarantine. “Why are you feeling bad when you still have a job, food, and a roof over your head? Other people have it way worse than you. No, YOU don’t get to feel bad, Paulina. Grow up.” So I stuffed all them negative emotions in a pretty little box and pushed it to the side. That is until the box overflowed and exploded.

What I learned this year is that I can feel pain, other people can also feel pain, because suffering is not finite. It’s not one pie of suffering for sharing. Just because other people are suffering doesn’t make my suffering any less real or important. This is key because to get past the pain requires one to go through and actually process the negative feelings. Definitely a work-in-progress lesson for me, but by recognizing my pain is legit and real (and they don’t just go away), it’s helped me process them in a much healthier way.

5. It’s Okay to Fall Apart, but Make Sure You Get Back Up.

Building off the last lesson, we all fall apart sometimes. It’s okay! It’s completely normal. Like someone wise once said, tacos fall apart but we still love them! Easier said than done… am I right? I hate falling apart! God, I truly LOATHE it. Why am I so weak? Why can’t I just pull through? Why am I letting things get to me this way?!! Why aren’t I stronger?!! Ahhhh!!

This is probably the hardest lesson on this list for me. I’m not great at falling apart, but I’m learning to be. I’m learning that I can and am allowed to cry my eyeballs out. I can and am allowed to just lay on the couch all day and watch Grey’s Anatomy. I can and am allowed to eat a whole box of chocolate doing it - as long as I get back up. Sometimes, you may need that couch for more than a day. Sometimes, you might need chocolate AND french fries. It’s important to take the time you need - as long as you get back up when you’re ready.

In her book Option B, Sherl Sandberg (Facebook’s COO), describes resiliency as something that’s practiced and built over time. She says resiliency is like a muscle, it gets strong the more you use it and exercise it. So, long story short, don’t be afraid to fall apart. You’re better off falling apart when you need to than holding it together when you can’t. No matter how deep you fall, however, make sure you keep that resiliency in your pocket for when you’re ready to stand again.

6. Take Care of Your Body. It Will Make You Happy, Literally.

Is it just me or my body just doesn’t feel like how it did when I was 21 years old?!! Nothing ever bothered 21 years old me! There was never ever jet-lag, never any back pain, stiff-neck, you name it. Nowadays, I sit in a chair for 20 minutes and things start feeling a bit off. I need the lumber cushion AND the footrest to get through the workday. The joys of aging…

This lesson goes without saying, but it’s time to really take care of our bodies. For me, the rationale is simple: no back pain = happier me. There are many other reasons to take care of your body (like living a healthier and longer life), but I’ve also realized the immediate and positive impact it has on my day to day. Something as easy as stretching a bit in the morning or taking a walk in the afternoon has done wonders for me this year.

Of course, if you want to throw in some exercise in your regular routine, that’s even better. I always feel like I’m on top of the world after a good SoulCycle ride at home. As Elle Woods puts it below, exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy. And happy people don’t kill their husbands (this will only make sense if you’ve watched the movie)!

7. I Am Capable of Growth, to My Own Surprise.

There were definitely moments this year when I felt despair. What is the world coming to? Is it ever going to get better? When is this all going to be over? Then, more negative thoughts would follow… I am never gonna get through this. What’s the point of it all?

Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, and the best lesson I learned this year is that I got to know myself better. I got to know what I am truly capable of. I learned that I could get through even a year like this. I pivoted my wedding business and started blogging more (thanks for reading!). I found new sources of joy, including podcasts and cooking. This is definitely not the best year ever, but if I’m being honest, I’ve probably had worse years in my life (especially my childhood years when my mom had to work two jobs just to put food on the table). Sometimes, when we’re comfortable, change and growth can be difficult, because the status quo feels so nice. This year has taught me that I am more flexible than I thought, that I’m a survivor, and that despite everything, I will always figure it out. I know we all will.